NYE Resolutions

I heard on television this morning that for the New Year, one should reassess what in their life needs to be let go, what needs to be held onto/fought for, and what needs to be let alone.  I just figured out what needs to be let alone...and it hurts more than it should.

Realizing a friendship has changed is part of growing up and part of life.  I have met so many amazing people in my life that I can't feel anything other than blessed.  I have also lost, more to growing apart than fights, numerous friends throughout my 27 years.  The biggest life lessons on friendship came during the 2 1/2 years after undergrad and before graduate school...most of you have heard me rant about those years so I'll spare you, but lets just say I learned the meaning of true friendship during those years.  I am blessed I had those experiences and learned those lessons early in life; it helps me cope when bumps like these arise.

Thanks to the wonders of facebook, I don't have to truly let alone that which I am "letting be."  But I will make myself, out of respect for them and myself.  A very good friend of mine recently took a rather large step in his/her life and I never, for a minute, doubted our friendship.  I'm going to have to realize and accept that this is not the case.  (Before you go thinking "Oh my, who could Carrie be talking about?  Is it me?  Bitch," I can promise you it's not.  It's HIGHLY unlikely that this person knows I have a blog, let alone reads it.)  This person and I have family and friends in common, so we will cross paths.  But, in the spirit of letting it alone, I will smile and accept the changes and continue being supportive of their life choices.  I've cried over lost and changed friendships before, but I haven't quite cried over this one.  Yet it still really, really hurts.

Therefore, for my NYE Resolution I will strive to be more attentive to my friends, especially those I am lax in calling back (you know who you are mister!).  I will do my best to save more (money, time, etc) and impulse spend/waste less.  Exercise more, though not to lose weight but to regain a healthy lifestyle.  And enjoy life - the ups, the downs, the in-betweens - as much as I can.  Doing more things for myself and less for what I think others "expect" of me - which I have started with my trip to England.  And lastly, to stop being so hard on myself; this encompasses quite a lot, but mainly to accept my faults and my quirks, and to give myself a chance.  These are a lot of resolutions, but I believe they are all part of the same - to live life to its fullest responsibly, adventurously (is that a word?), and optimistically.

White Christmas with some Phlegm on the Side....

I have always wanted a White Christmas.  In my mind it's a magical experience, where people start dancing and singing Christmas Carols and everyone is deliriously happy and no one, not for one millisecond, gets on anyone else's nerves.  Well, I got my White Christmas but it definitely wasn't the magical experience Danny Kaye, Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney told me it would be.

Don't get me wrong, it was still absolutely beautiful!  It's just that I was too sick and annoyed to really enjoy the weather.  My family goes to my aunt and uncle's house (which is hard for me to say - it's definitely their house and has always been, but when my grandmother was alive it was "Granny's" House) about an hour and fifteen minutes from my parents house.  This year was going to be slightly different - we were going to stay the night at my brother and sister-in-laws, who live ten minutes from my aunt's.  We were all excited - it was going to be a day full of family and good food and a night of more family, more good food and movies.  The "plague" started to creep in on Friday while I was working at the theatre - about 1/2 the theatre had had this cold/virus/crap and I guess it was only a matter of time - but when I woke up Saturday/Christmas Day I was definitely, 100% unwell.  I took some medicine and put on my game face, and was okay until about 2:00pm when I started to crash.  After a good morning/mid afternoon at my aunts, my mom, dad and I went to my brother's where it was decided that we were coming home, as I was dying.  So I felt amazingly guilty for ruining the family fun - I should mention that I knew my hometown was getting snow, but there was nothing where we were.

We left and headed home and it started to rain.  I was still in the back of the car feeling guilty, and even more so because I was excited to see if there was still snow at home, all the while getting more and more ill.  My dad - bless his heart, he's getting old, and this is a blog for another day - almost killed us driving like a bat outta hades for the last 30 minutes of the drive.  The last 30 minutes of the drive was when the rain turned to snow...

So I'm home, feeling ill because I'm ill and because not only am I the reason we've come home, but I'm angry at my dad for almost killing us.  However, the snow was gorgeous so I tried to enjoy a little before I went inside.  I did get to watch my Doctor Who Christmas Special Saturday, which cheered me up a little bit.

Sunday was by far the best snow day I've had in a long while - Boone days included.  Roads were fine, snow was gorgeous and fluffy, so mom and I decided to do a walk around the neighborhood.  Phlegm, $80 ski gloves and wellies in hand, we went for a nice walk around the 'hood which took us into the adjoining county.  I felt amazing - I could breathe!  Then we came back inside, had some snow cream and the plague came back with vengeance.  Spent the rest of the day mopey because everyone was having fun in the snow and I was "dying."  So I got my White Christmas, but was too sick to enjoy it!  IRONY.  I'm pretty sure the Big Guy gets a chuckle out of me daily....

Fast forward to today - Tuesday.  I ventured out for lunched yesterday and returned home exhausted BUT I'd bought some Mucinex and holy crap that's some amazing stuff.  Makes me very thirsty/dry mouth, but man - oh - man it gets to working.  Though don't take too many too close together, or you get a little 'high' like I did last night.  Anyway, today ventured out with my mom to see "The King's Speech" and swing by target and I'm beat again.  I dunno why I'm so exhausted but at least I'm getting well.  I cleaned out her pantry/laundry room last night and 'grocery shopped' a little and did some work work since there was nothing on television.  Bah, I blame that time in Raleigh when I went 3 months without going to a doctor only to find I had a severe case of bronchitis, which explained why I couldn't breathe or take proper breaths.  Haven't been the same since - which explains why a slight case of the Phlegm Plague is wiping me out.

In other news, tho my final days at my parents abode may be driving me bananas, they are, in fact, my final days!  I found out this morning that I can pick up my apartment keys tomorrow afternoon, so I'll swing by and scope it out for the first time.  Later, probably Saturday, I'll go back and clean it top to bottom and start moving a few things in and then Monday the movers come.  Yippie!  Electric gets turned on tomorrow; Gas (heat) on Thursday.  So laying low and recovering from the Plague will end in absolute awesomeness....at least I hope.  Drove by the apt today on the way back from the movie and it looked really old in the snow.  I hope the inside doesn't let me down!

Back to the James Bond movie on...since I'm lame and still recovering :)
I can hear my mom sneezing up a storm...I might have passed the plague to her...oopsies.

Also, wonder what my Resolution this year is going to be?  Probably to save more (i've been saving a LOT lately and holy mackerel i've saved a lot), stop being such a cold-hearted bia, or maybe both?  Or still...will discuss later :)

It's Better than the Alternative

I worked both performances of A Christmas Carol yesterday (I may not have mentioned, but I work part-time at the regional theatre in Greensboro as a bartender/glorified concession stand lady) and it really got me back into the Christmas spirit.  Not living in my own place has kind of put a damper on the holiday's for me - I feel like a guest in someone else's house - which is essentially what I am.  So, not having my decorations, a Christmas tree, or peace and quite kind of took it away.  But being at the theatre, and seeing all of these families and friends come in to watch the Dickens classic has really reminded me what the holiday season is all about.

Kindness.  Compassion.  Friendship.  Love.  Celebration.  Thanksgiving.

It doesn't matter if you believe in Jesus.  Or not.  Yes, that's why I celebrate Christmas, but what I really get out of the holiday are the six items above.  Technically Easter's the biggest Christian holiday when you get down to it - but back to the point.  Hanukkah embraces the Big Six above also - the miracle of one-days worth of oil lasting eight.  Sharing the time with your loved ones, reflecting on the miracles of life and being thankful for that with which you have been blessed.  That is what I get out of the Holiday season.

So backing up to the theatre, seeing all of these families and groups of loved ones coming to embrace the season makes me smile.  And last night a lovely couple, regulars I believe since I'm beginning to recognize them and their drink order, arrived early and ordered their cabernets.  Long story short, we got into a conversation about how tiny the other bartender is, and the lady said "I use to be that skinny when I was younger," to which I replied "Ya'll still are!"  She came at me with a great line - I Don't Mind Growing Old, It's Better than the Alternative.  Later, when the play had started and I was restocking behind the bar I thought about that comment - it's better than the alternative.  She's right - I'd rather be alive and bitching about being 27 than dead and not knowing what it's like to be 27.  Though you could argue I'd be dead, so I wouldn't know, but still.

So next time I start to wallow in self-pity, which I'll do because everyone does it at some point or another, I'll just think about the alternative.  Life's just one long journey full of lessons and, while I think I've had enough life lessons in the past four years for any one person, all I can keep hoping is that something great is waiting for me.  So maybe growing older and working towards my goals isn't a bad thing ;)  After all...I'd had to still be aged 23 and stuck on repeat Groundhog-Day style in that part of my life.

Because it's better than the alternative, Twenty-Seven and 2011 are going to be monster years for me.  I can feel it. ;)

Twenty Days til Moving Day!

The Killing Time is Killing Me....

oh, I use to love the Clint Black.  Back in the day, I mean.  When he was still cool and "Clint Black."  Anyway, back to the point.  Killing time between work and 'functions' or whatever event I have going on is getting old fast.  Heck, it was old three months ago.  Thankfully, tonight's the last night I have to properly "kill time" between work and an event.  Tonight's event being my Holiday Social with Junior League, tacky sweaters included.  I'm excited about it, but by the time 7pm gets here I'm going to be ready to go home and get in pajamas.  Damn it getting dark so early!


Over the summer and up until recently I had so many events after work - but the majority of them didn't take place until 6:30, 7:00 or in some cases 8:00pm.  That's a max of three hours to kill (I get off at 5) - by the time I would get home, 30 minutes away, it would be time to come back to Greensboro.  A few times I did go home and ended up not making my 'event.'  I've got a conference call in 9 minutes, and that's probably only going to last 10 minutes max...I think after I'll go hang out at Barnes and Nobles with a hot chocolate and finally start my new book.

Another pointless blog..but hey, at least this one killed some time :) 

Decided to be Decisive!

I made a decision today, guys!  I've been talking about going to London for what seems like 10 years (really just three) and something or someone has arisen and I've pushed my plans to the back burner.  I could feel myself getting frustrated and the desire to go somewhere was constantly increasing and nagging at me.  So...since I finished my grad program and found me a j-o-b, I figured that the only thing holding me back now was myself (and my ability to spend money like woah).

SO....long story short, I picked April has my travel time a few months ago.  It's not quite winter and not yet summer and it's a good two months before my work season kicks into full gear (our festival runs from June 25 - July 30, 2011 and starting in mid May I'll be go-go-go until August).  When William and Kate announced their engagement I thought "They're gonna pick April and my plane ticket price'll shoot up through the roof."  Well, I was half right.  They chose April for sure, but the plane ticket remained reasonable.  So after playing around on the computer sites for the past few weeks and narrowing down my travel dates (April 26 - May 4...and yes, I plan on going to join the crowds on April 29th!), I got serious yesterday.  Found a ticket for $587 (plus $1,000,000 in fees) that worked with my dates and jumped on it - well, first I talked about the price with my mom who was like "you'd better buy that ticket!"  And today I decided I might as well...so I did!  Times work well, airports work well - it was almost like it was meant to be....or maybe I'm just too excited and trying to justify the large charge to my credit card so I don't panic :)  Last time I charged something this much it was a pair of shoes and a dress...and I guess together that cost more than my ticket, so really I'm make progress :)

Since I don't have to get a hotel, I'll be saving a sh&t-ton.  I am self-imposing a ban on frivolous purchases for the next five months...that's going to be crazy difficult, especially since I'm outgrowing clothes like nobody's business, but I gladly accept the challenge since the reward is a trip.  Also will need to learn how to pack light between then and now...hmmm...that's going to be the real challenge.

'S'all for now!  Other than the regular "I realize I do this so I'm going to work on that" and other complains a 27 year old (PS had a birthday Monday) going through a "Thrisis" would make...I'm pretty fucking - pardon the French - excited about this upcoming trip.  First time traveling out of the US on my own - and that's kind of a big deal!  Or maybe it's just a big deal to me, but all that matters is I'm excited and I'm glad I can spoil myself like this - I mean, I deserve it right? :)

God, even I know I need to lay off the :)'s....