Facebook is kind of the devil. On one hand it helps me connect quicker and easier with the new friends I'm making but, on the other, it reminds of that I'm not talking to and/or seeing my 'old' friends enough. I had a talk today about what it means to be friends and what it took to make a friendship work...and it's definitely like any other relationship: it takes two.
So while I'm having a blast making these new friends and focusing on me, I shouldn't forget about the ones I don't see that often. Goal for this week is to text (I know, a phone call would be more genuine, and before I start making excuses I guess I could call in the 10 minutes it takes to drive home from work or the 30 minutes it will take me to drive from my apt to my parents on Wednesday...I did just give that advice to a friend on Sunday - okay so rambling means instead of text I'll make a call to) the friend I've got in mind that I'm neglecting. But part of me wonders if they're neglecting me? I can't take the full blame, like I said it takes two.
Roar. My blogs lately are uber depressing. On the plus side, work has been nuts. I'm $10,000 below where I should be on ad sales, yet I keep getting No after No after No. I wish I had help, or rather that I was the help for the person whose main job was ad sales! My poor intern got hit with ads today...I hope she does good :) If I get 10 of the 20 schools we'll be calling this week to take out an ad, that should be quite close to the $10,000 I need. Fingers crossed!
On top of crazy life at my main job (we're two months behind, going on three! but it's not my fault, phew!) and the part time job at the theatre (which I LOOOVVEEE and won't ever leave!), my social activity is on the increase. I've gone out at least once every weekend since the new year and think I've found the balance with regards to spending whilst out. It's nice being social - i've already met so many new people in my city...and the best bit is they're roughly my age (okay, a few are still babies) and are career focused right now like me. At least the girls are haha. But, the other thing keeping me busy is my mom. She just had knee surgery (four weeks ago) and I've been over there every weekend and during the week as much as possible to help out. The doc told her she was right on target with recovery today, which made her feel good because she was starting to get frustrated, thinking she was going backwards in the progress department. I'm so excited for her - I can'tw ait for her knee to get back to how it should be so she can start walking and traveling again like she likes. I'm bribing her with a trip in August, probably to Nashville, but we'll see! She's suppose to pick the destination, but she refuses. Maybe in July she'll decide :)
well, i was writing to kill time before Castle came on, and it's about that time. and talking about what i've been up to lately cheered me up and reminded me i'm not a shit person and/or friend...but i'm still gonna call that person wednesday.
28 February 2011
25 January 2011
Every Direction I Look....
...I see babies. People getting pregnant, people trying to get pregnant, people with one month olds, people with six month olds, people with screaming babies in grocery stores. It's like a never ending bombardment of children around me right now. Please understand I'm not saying that babies aren't great, I was once one myself so "Yay Babies and Procreating!" but I'm just...well...caught off guard.
When did this happen, me growing up? A vast majority of my Facebook friends, real friends, and new acquaintances are about to or have recently dar'ed la luz ("dar la luz" means "to give the light" in spanish...another way of saying having a baby). We could in theory have all had babies since most of us were early teens, but I guess my point is - where have the past few years gone, that I've now reached the age where this is a part of my life?
I'm not saying don't have babies - I'm genuinely happy for all of my friends who are (or about to be) mommies. I just feel so young, and sometimes I wonder if society is the one making me feel like I'm "wrong" or if it's me comparing myself to my friends, and the feeling of being "left behind" makes me feel "wrong." I just don't get it - the baby thing. I respect that I'm a minority here, and that there are women and men who want nothing more in this world than to be parents. I, however, want nothing more than to travel and explore. I can't get excited over cribs or diaper bags or nursery wall colors. I occasionally get the "awl's" when I see a cute little outfit or stuffed animal, but that's about it. Am I doing something wrong? Because I feel like I am...
Now, I do like kids though! Some of 'em anyway haha. My friend Alice has the cutest little girl in the world, and I love that girl more than I imagined. But I don't buy her lots of gifts, because I don't know how to do the baby clothes sizes or what, exactly, she'll want. It's like I'm missing the maternity gene that tells me how to handle kids...but I do have the "Let's Play!" gene, so now that she's growing, I know more of how to interact with her. Blame it on me being the baby of the family - the only cousin younger than me came along when I was 7, and with the exception of him, I've never watched a baby grow up (and note, I was a "kid" myself during this process). Another friend, Megan, is preggers and about to have a baby boy in June. Yay Baby Boy! I'm so happy for her and her husband! But my non-understanding of the excitement of cribs and diaper bags I think sometimes portrays me as apathetic. It's not that I'm apathetic, I just don't understand...and maybe one day I will, but I have a feeling it won't be until my 30's or 40's...I'll be that mom with the 3 yr old while all my friends have 20 year olds! (On the flip side, I'm sure lots of people don't understand me...)
I was once told by a friend that I've very sensitive when it comes to the "baby" issue - her tone was a bit harsh when she said this to me over a year ago, so of course it stuck with me. But the answer to that statement is a solid "Yes." I am sensitive when it comes to the "baby" issue. I'm watching my brother and his wife go through a long and emotionally draining process of trying to conceive. This month they start the IVF process...and it's not just "let's mix up some baby-making-stuff in a petry dish and 'ta da - kiddo!'" It's a three month process just to get to that step, and a very painful process at that. I'm optimistic that this will work (if it doesn't, then they will not be able to have a child of their own - IVF is very expensive and the last option for naturally conceiving) - I have never in my life wanted something SO MUCH for someone else. I don't understand, but I do understand their desire so therefore it is my desire. I make deals and trades with the Big Guy every day that they'll get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I wonder if WHEN (because it's a When, not an If) they become pregnant, if my maternity gene will turn on. I consider Alice and Megan's children to be my niece and future-nephew, but this one will different. I think then I'll understand the diaper bags and the cribs, because I have watched my sister-in-law want this for so long. But even then, with the maternity gene possibly kicking into gear, I have no doubt in my mind I'll still be as far from wanting my own as humanly possible.
Am I wrong for stilll, at age 27, wanting to go to the bar when I want? For wanting to buy myself a pair of shoes, instead of putting it into a college fund? For not understanding, despite my best efforts? I'm in some sort of confused "I'm loving adulthood but I'm not ready for a family" stage. I guess maybe I should lay off the Facebook for a while...maybe I'll stop seconding guessing myself if I stop comparing to others.
Look at that, already breaking my New Years Resolution of not being so hard on myself :)
(PLEASE Understand I am happy for every one out there who is pregnant or who has had a baby! I love that my friends have found their other-half's and are starting families. I just feel like the outsider, trying to understand and get in "the know." One day, when I find my other-half, I want to start a family too...mine just may have fur-kids and lots of shoes instead of Carrie-kids.)
When did this happen, me growing up? A vast majority of my Facebook friends, real friends, and new acquaintances are about to or have recently dar'ed la luz ("dar la luz" means "to give the light" in spanish...another way of saying having a baby). We could in theory have all had babies since most of us were early teens, but I guess my point is - where have the past few years gone, that I've now reached the age where this is a part of my life?
Now, I do like kids though! Some of 'em anyway haha. My friend Alice has the cutest little girl in the world, and I love that girl more than I imagined. But I don't buy her lots of gifts, because I don't know how to do the baby clothes sizes or what, exactly, she'll want. It's like I'm missing the maternity gene that tells me how to handle kids...but I do have the "Let's Play!" gene, so now that she's growing, I know more of how to interact with her. Blame it on me being the baby of the family - the only cousin younger than me came along when I was 7, and with the exception of him, I've never watched a baby grow up (and note, I was a "kid" myself during this process). Another friend, Megan, is preggers and about to have a baby boy in June. Yay Baby Boy! I'm so happy for her and her husband! But my non-understanding of the excitement of cribs and diaper bags I think sometimes portrays me as apathetic. It's not that I'm apathetic, I just don't understand...and maybe one day I will, but I have a feeling it won't be until my 30's or 40's...I'll be that mom with the 3 yr old while all my friends have 20 year olds! (On the flip side, I'm sure lots of people don't understand me...)
I was once told by a friend that I've very sensitive when it comes to the "baby" issue - her tone was a bit harsh when she said this to me over a year ago, so of course it stuck with me. But the answer to that statement is a solid "Yes." I am sensitive when it comes to the "baby" issue. I'm watching my brother and his wife go through a long and emotionally draining process of trying to conceive. This month they start the IVF process...and it's not just "let's mix up some baby-making-stuff in a petry dish and 'ta da - kiddo!'" It's a three month process just to get to that step, and a very painful process at that. I'm optimistic that this will work (if it doesn't, then they will not be able to have a child of their own - IVF is very expensive and the last option for naturally conceiving) - I have never in my life wanted something SO MUCH for someone else. I don't understand, but I do understand their desire so therefore it is my desire. I make deals and trades with the Big Guy every day that they'll get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I wonder if WHEN (because it's a When, not an If) they become pregnant, if my maternity gene will turn on. I consider Alice and Megan's children to be my niece and future-nephew, but this one will different. I think then I'll understand the diaper bags and the cribs, because I have watched my sister-in-law want this for so long. But even then, with the maternity gene possibly kicking into gear, I have no doubt in my mind I'll still be as far from wanting my own as humanly possible.
Am I wrong for stilll, at age 27, wanting to go to the bar when I want? For wanting to buy myself a pair of shoes, instead of putting it into a college fund? For not understanding, despite my best efforts? I'm in some sort of confused "I'm loving adulthood but I'm not ready for a family" stage. I guess maybe I should lay off the Facebook for a while...maybe I'll stop seconding guessing myself if I stop comparing to others.
Look at that, already breaking my New Years Resolution of not being so hard on myself :)
(PLEASE Understand I am happy for every one out there who is pregnant or who has had a baby! I love that my friends have found their other-half's and are starting families. I just feel like the outsider, trying to understand and get in "the know." One day, when I find my other-half, I want to start a family too...mine just may have fur-kids and lots of shoes instead of Carrie-kids.)
28 December 2010
NYE Resolutions
Realizing a friendship has changed is part of growing up and part of life. I have met so many amazing people in my life that I can't feel anything other than blessed. I have also lost, more to growing apart than fights, numerous friends throughout my 27 years. The biggest life lessons on friendship came during the 2 1/2 years after undergrad and before graduate school...most of you have heard me rant about those years so I'll spare you, but lets just say I learned the meaning of true friendship during those years. I am blessed I had those experiences and learned those lessons early in life; it helps me cope when bumps like these arise.
Thanks to the wonders of facebook, I don't have to truly let alone that which I am "letting be." But I will make myself, out of respect for them and myself. A very good friend of mine recently took a rather large step in his/her life and I never, for a minute, doubted our friendship. I'm going to have to realize and accept that this is not the case. (Before you go thinking "Oh my, who could Carrie be talking about? Is it me? Bitch," I can promise you it's not. It's HIGHLY unlikely that this person knows I have a blog, let alone reads it.) This person and I have family and friends in common, so we will cross paths. But, in the spirit of letting it alone, I will smile and accept the changes and continue being supportive of their life choices. I've cried over lost and changed friendships before, but I haven't quite cried over this one. Yet it still really, really hurts.
Therefore, for my NYE Resolution I will strive to be more attentive to my friends, especially those I am lax in calling back (you know who you are mister!). I will do my best to save more (money, time, etc) and impulse spend/waste less. Exercise more, though not to lose weight but to regain a healthy lifestyle. And enjoy life - the ups, the downs, the in-betweens - as much as I can. Doing more things for myself and less for what I think others "expect" of me - which I have started with my trip to England. And lastly, to stop being so hard on myself; this encompasses quite a lot, but mainly to accept my faults and my quirks, and to give myself a chance. These are a lot of resolutions, but I believe they are all part of the same - to live life to its fullest responsibly, adventurously (is that a word?), and optimistically.
White Christmas with some Phlegm on the Side....
Don't get me wrong, it was still absolutely beautiful! It's just that I was too sick and annoyed to really enjoy the weather. My family goes to my aunt and uncle's house (which is hard for me to say - it's definitely their house and has always been, but when my grandmother was alive it was "Granny's" House) about an hour and fifteen minutes from my parents house. This year was going to be slightly different - we were going to stay the night at my brother and sister-in-laws, who live ten minutes from my aunt's. We were all excited - it was going to be a day full of family and good food and a night of more family, more good food and movies. The "plague" started to creep in on Friday while I was working at the theatre - about 1/2 the theatre had had this cold/virus/crap and I guess it was only a matter of time - but when I woke up Saturday/Christmas Day I was definitely, 100% unwell. I took some medicine and put on my game face, and was okay until about 2:00pm when I started to crash. After a good morning/mid afternoon at my aunts, my mom, dad and I went to my brother's where it was decided that we were coming home, as I was dying. So I felt amazingly guilty for ruining the family fun - I should mention that I knew my hometown was getting snow, but there was nothing where we were.
We left and headed home and it started to rain. I was still in the back of the car feeling guilty, and even more so because I was excited to see if there was still snow at home, all the while getting more and more ill. My dad - bless his heart, he's getting old, and this is a blog for another day - almost killed us driving like a bat outta hades for the last 30 minutes of the drive. The last 30 minutes of the drive was when the rain turned to snow...
So I'm home, feeling ill because I'm ill and because not only am I the reason we've come home, but I'm angry at my dad for almost killing us. However, the snow was gorgeous so I tried to enjoy a little before I went inside. I did get to watch my Doctor Who Christmas Special Saturday, which cheered me up a little bit.
Sunday was by far the best snow day I've had in a long while - Boone days included. Roads were fine, snow was gorgeous and fluffy, so mom and I decided to do a walk around the neighborhood. Phlegm, $80 ski gloves and wellies in hand, we went for a nice walk around the 'hood which took us into the adjoining county. I felt amazing - I could breathe! Then we came back inside, had some snow cream and the plague came back with vengeance. Spent the rest of the day mopey because everyone was having fun in the snow and I was "dying." So I got my White Christmas, but was too sick to enjoy it! IRONY. I'm pretty sure the Big Guy gets a chuckle out of me daily....
Fast forward to today - Tuesday. I ventured out for lunched yesterday and returned home exhausted BUT I'd bought some Mucinex and holy crap that's some amazing stuff. Makes me very thirsty/dry mouth, but man - oh - man it gets to working. Though don't take too many too close together, or you get a little 'high' like I did last night. Anyway, today ventured out with my mom to see "The King's Speech" and swing by target and I'm beat again. I dunno why I'm so exhausted but at least I'm getting well. I cleaned out her pantry/laundry room last night and 'grocery shopped' a little and did some work work since there was nothing on television. Bah, I blame that time in Raleigh when I went 3 months without going to a doctor only to find I had a severe case of bronchitis, which explained why I couldn't breathe or take proper breaths. Haven't been the same since - which explains why a slight case of the Phlegm Plague is wiping me out.
In other news, tho my final days at my parents abode may be driving me bananas, they are, in fact, my final days! I found out this morning that I can pick up my apartment keys tomorrow afternoon, so I'll swing by and scope it out for the first time. Later, probably Saturday, I'll go back and clean it top to bottom and start moving a few things in and then Monday the movers come. Yippie! Electric gets turned on tomorrow; Gas (heat) on Thursday. So laying low and recovering from the Plague will end in absolute awesomeness....at least I hope. Drove by the apt today on the way back from the movie and it looked really old in the snow. I hope the inside doesn't let me down!
Back to the James Bond movie on...since I'm lame and still recovering :)
I can hear my mom sneezing up a storm...I might have passed the plague to her...oopsies.
Also, wonder what my Resolution this year is going to be? Probably to save more (i've been saving a LOT lately and holy mackerel i've saved a lot), stop being such a cold-hearted bia, or maybe both? Or still...will discuss later :)
12 December 2010
It's Better than the Alternative
I worked both performances of A Christmas Carol yesterday (I may not have mentioned, but I work part-time at the regional theatre in Greensboro as a bartender/glorified concession stand lady) and it really got me back into the Christmas spirit. Not living in my own place has kind of put a damper on the holiday's for me - I feel like a guest in someone else's house - which is essentially what I am. So, not having my decorations, a Christmas tree, or peace and quite kind of took it away. But being at the theatre, and seeing all of these families and friends come in to watch the Dickens classic has really reminded me what the holiday season is all about.
Kindness. Compassion. Friendship. Love. Celebration. Thanksgiving.
It doesn't matter if you believe in Jesus. Or not. Yes, that's why I celebrate Christmas, but what I really get out of the holiday are the six items above. Technically Easter's the biggest Christian holiday when you get down to it - but back to the point. Hanukkah embraces the Big Six above also - the miracle of one-days worth of oil lasting eight. Sharing the time with your loved ones, reflecting on the miracles of life and being thankful for that with which you have been blessed. That is what I get out of the Holiday season.
So backing up to the theatre, seeing all of these families and groups of loved ones coming to embrace the season makes me smile. And last night a lovely couple, regulars I believe since I'm beginning to recognize them and their drink order, arrived early and ordered their cabernets. Long story short, we got into a conversation about how tiny the other bartender is, and the lady said "I use to be that skinny when I was younger," to which I replied "Ya'll still are!" She came at me with a great line - I Don't Mind Growing Old, It's Better than the Alternative. Later, when the play had started and I was restocking behind the bar I thought about that comment - it's better than the alternative. She's right - I'd rather be alive and bitching about being 27 than dead and not knowing what it's like to be 27. Though you could argue I'd be dead, so I wouldn't know, but still.
So next time I start to wallow in self-pity, which I'll do because everyone does it at some point or another, I'll just think about the alternative. Life's just one long journey full of lessons and, while I think I've had enough life lessons in the past four years for any one person, all I can keep hoping is that something great is waiting for me. So maybe growing older and working towards my goals isn't a bad thing ;) After all...I'd had to still be aged 23 and stuck on repeat Groundhog-Day style in that part of my life.
Because it's better than the alternative, Twenty-Seven and 2011 are going to be monster years for me. I can feel it. ;)
Twenty Days til Moving Day!
Kindness. Compassion. Friendship. Love. Celebration. Thanksgiving.
It doesn't matter if you believe in Jesus. Or not. Yes, that's why I celebrate Christmas, but what I really get out of the holiday are the six items above. Technically Easter's the biggest Christian holiday when you get down to it - but back to the point. Hanukkah embraces the Big Six above also - the miracle of one-days worth of oil lasting eight. Sharing the time with your loved ones, reflecting on the miracles of life and being thankful for that with which you have been blessed. That is what I get out of the Holiday season.
So backing up to the theatre, seeing all of these families and groups of loved ones coming to embrace the season makes me smile. And last night a lovely couple, regulars I believe since I'm beginning to recognize them and their drink order, arrived early and ordered their cabernets. Long story short, we got into a conversation about how tiny the other bartender is, and the lady said "I use to be that skinny when I was younger," to which I replied "Ya'll still are!" She came at me with a great line - I Don't Mind Growing Old, It's Better than the Alternative. Later, when the play had started and I was restocking behind the bar I thought about that comment - it's better than the alternative. She's right - I'd rather be alive and bitching about being 27 than dead and not knowing what it's like to be 27. Though you could argue I'd be dead, so I wouldn't know, but still.
So next time I start to wallow in self-pity, which I'll do because everyone does it at some point or another, I'll just think about the alternative. Life's just one long journey full of lessons and, while I think I've had enough life lessons in the past four years for any one person, all I can keep hoping is that something great is waiting for me. So maybe growing older and working towards my goals isn't a bad thing ;) After all...I'd had to still be aged 23 and stuck on repeat Groundhog-Day style in that part of my life.
Twenty Days til Moving Day!
06 December 2010
The Killing Time is Killing Me....
oh, I use to love the Clint Black. Back in the day, I mean. When he was still cool and "Clint Black." Anyway, back to the point. Killing time between work and 'functions' or whatever event I have going on is getting old fast. Heck, it was old three months ago. Thankfully, tonight's the last night I have to properly "kill time" between work and an event. Tonight's event being my Holiday Social with Junior League, tacky sweaters included. I'm excited about it, but by the time 7pm gets here I'm going to be ready to go home and get in pajamas. Damn it getting dark so early!
Over the summer and up until recently I had so many events after work - but the majority of them didn't take place until 6:30, 7:00 or in some cases 8:00pm. That's a max of three hours to kill (I get off at 5) - by the time I would get home, 30 minutes away, it would be time to come back to Greensboro. A few times I did go home and ended up not making my 'event.' I've got a conference call in 9 minutes, and that's probably only going to last 10 minutes max...I think after I'll go hang out at Barnes and Nobles with a hot chocolate and finally start my new book.
Another pointless blog..but hey, at least this one killed some time :)
Over the summer and up until recently I had so many events after work - but the majority of them didn't take place until 6:30, 7:00 or in some cases 8:00pm. That's a max of three hours to kill (I get off at 5) - by the time I would get home, 30 minutes away, it would be time to come back to Greensboro. A few times I did go home and ended up not making my 'event.' I've got a conference call in 9 minutes, and that's probably only going to last 10 minutes max...I think after I'll go hang out at Barnes and Nobles with a hot chocolate and finally start my new book.
01 December 2010
Decided to be Decisive!
I made a decision today, guys! I've been talking about going to London for what seems like 10 years (really just three) and something or someone has arisen and I've pushed my plans to the back burner. I could feel myself getting frustrated and the desire to go somewhere was constantly increasing and nagging at me. So...since I finished my grad program and found me a j-o-b, I figured that the only thing holding me back now was myself (and my ability to spend money like woah).
SO....long story short, I picked April has my travel time a few months ago. It's not quite winter and not yet summer and it's a good two months before my work season kicks into full gear (our festival runs from June 25 - July 30, 2011 and starting in mid May I'll be go-go-go until August). When William and Kate announced their engagement I thought "They're gonna pick April and my plane ticket price'll shoot up through the roof." Well, I was half right. They chose April for sure, but the plane ticket remained reasonable. So after playing around on the computer sites for the past few weeks and narrowing down my travel dates (April 26 - May 4...and yes, I plan on going to join the crowds on April 29th!), I got serious yesterday. Found a ticket for $587 (plus $1,000,000 in fees) that worked with my dates and jumped on it - well, first I talked about the price with my mom who was like "you'd better buy that ticket!" And today I decided I might as well...so I did! Times work well, airports work well - it was almost like it was meant to be....or maybe I'm just too excited and trying to justify the large charge to my credit card so I don't panic :) Last time I charged something this much it was a pair of shoes and a dress...and I guess together that cost more than my ticket, so really I'm make progress :)
Since I don't have to get a hotel, I'll be saving a sh&t-ton. I am self-imposing a ban on frivolous purchases for the next five months...that's going to be crazy difficult, especially since I'm outgrowing clothes like nobody's business, but I gladly accept the challenge since the reward is a trip. Also will need to learn how to pack light between then and now...hmmm...that's going to be the real challenge.
'S'all for now! Other than the regular "I realize I do this so I'm going to work on that" and other complains a 27 year old (PS had a birthday Monday) going through a "Thrisis" would make...I'm pretty fucking - pardon the French - excited about this upcoming trip. First time traveling out of the US on my own - and that's kind of a big deal! Or maybe it's just a big deal to me, but all that matters is I'm excited and I'm glad I can spoil myself like this - I mean, I deserve it right? :)
God, even I know I need to lay off the :)'s....
Since I don't have to get a hotel, I'll be saving a sh&t-ton. I am self-imposing a ban on frivolous purchases for the next five months...that's going to be crazy difficult, especially since I'm outgrowing clothes like nobody's business, but I gladly accept the challenge since the reward is a trip. Also will need to learn how to pack light between then and now...hmmm...that's going to be the real challenge.
'S'all for now! Other than the regular "I realize I do this so I'm going to work on that" and other complains a 27 year old (PS had a birthday Monday) going through a "Thrisis" would make...I'm pretty fucking - pardon the French - excited about this upcoming trip. First time traveling out of the US on my own - and that's kind of a big deal! Or maybe it's just a big deal to me, but all that matters is I'm excited and I'm glad I can spoil myself like this - I mean, I deserve it right? :)
28 November 2010
Holiday Spirit, Where Are You?
Much like the Everly Brothers, I have indeed lost that loving feeling. This specific loving feeling pertains to the Holiday Spirit. My absolutely favorite time of the year is Fall and Winter...mid September through early February when the leaves start to change, you can break out the sweaters and Uggs, and the food becomes amazing. Thanksgiving is by and large my favorite holiday, and while I had a great Thanksgiving this year, I've realized that I just don't have the spirit.
But, where's it gone and why? The past two-three years I have stepped back and taken a good long look at myself and where I want to go. I'd hate to have my 20's pass me by without feeling like I have accomplished anything. On the left side we have all the things I have accomplished: I've learned about love and been disappointed by love (which I think is a necessary in life), I've made money and I've lost money, I've made some of the biggest mistakes and learned some of the most important life lessons on my own way/terms (see: two years in Raleigh plus that last year of undergrad), I've gone back to school and earned a masters degree, I've gotten a job within an arts nonprofit (granted, still not the Smithsonian, but at least I've figured out my career path and am starting down that road!), I've bought a car, I've dabbled in learning how to ride a horse, I've gained friends and lost friends and gained some more back, I've moved a bunch, and I've learned more about myself and my wants, needs, likes and dislikes. On the right we have the things I have not accomplished: I have not learned how to stop letting myself down.
The main way I do this is by planning (or hoping) to do 100 million things every fall and winter. Appalachian football games, Carolina Panthers games, hockey, ice skating, decorating, going out...the list goes on. I get so excited about my favorite time of the year that I want to cram all the happiness in as much as possible - which usually ends in me being disappointed because I don't get to do something. Right now the disappointment is arising from not living in my own apartment/house. I feel like a guest that has overstayed their welcome. Yes, I grew up in this house but it's not my "home" anymore. I know the whole "home is where your heart is" mantra, but right now it's nowhere. I'm trying to help get the house decorated (well, my mom's out there putting up a little tree - with two cats we've opted against fighting that loosing battle with a full tree - and I'm in here blogging, but I'll get up in a few) but it just doesn't feel like my own. I'm overly irritated when I'm home and all I want to do is go sit someplace quiet. I'd like to go clean up my new car, but the minute I do the quiet is gone. Ugh anyway...these past two blogs have been depressing.
Next one will be chirpy, promises! Laying in bed last night I had a good blog about featherbeds and cats, but now I can't remember what it was about....although did you see Modern Family? The line where the middle daughter asks "If the dumb guys like the dumb girls, and the smart guys like the dumb girls, what do the smart girls get?" and her dad answered "Cats, mostly." Hands down funniest line in that episode...and what made it more funny was Macca (my cat) was curled up on my feet. She hasn't left my side since we got home from South Carolina last night :)
I'm surprisingly cheered up. Maybe I'm ready to celebrate my birthday tomorrow after all? :) And apparently Lifetime and ABC Family are showing Christmas movies...I think I'll go watch one and try to get my holiday cheer back....
But, where's it gone and why? The past two-three years I have stepped back and taken a good long look at myself and where I want to go. I'd hate to have my 20's pass me by without feeling like I have accomplished anything. On the left side we have all the things I have accomplished: I've learned about love and been disappointed by love (which I think is a necessary in life), I've made money and I've lost money, I've made some of the biggest mistakes and learned some of the most important life lessons on my own way/terms (see: two years in Raleigh plus that last year of undergrad), I've gone back to school and earned a masters degree, I've gotten a job within an arts nonprofit (granted, still not the Smithsonian, but at least I've figured out my career path and am starting down that road!), I've bought a car, I've dabbled in learning how to ride a horse, I've gained friends and lost friends and gained some more back, I've moved a bunch, and I've learned more about myself and my wants, needs, likes and dislikes. On the right we have the things I have not accomplished: I have not learned how to stop letting myself down.
The main way I do this is by planning (or hoping) to do 100 million things every fall and winter. Appalachian football games, Carolina Panthers games, hockey, ice skating, decorating, going out...the list goes on. I get so excited about my favorite time of the year that I want to cram all the happiness in as much as possible - which usually ends in me being disappointed because I don't get to do something. Right now the disappointment is arising from not living in my own apartment/house. I feel like a guest that has overstayed their welcome. Yes, I grew up in this house but it's not my "home" anymore. I know the whole "home is where your heart is" mantra, but right now it's nowhere. I'm trying to help get the house decorated (well, my mom's out there putting up a little tree - with two cats we've opted against fighting that loosing battle with a full tree - and I'm in here blogging, but I'll get up in a few) but it just doesn't feel like my own. I'm overly irritated when I'm home and all I want to do is go sit someplace quiet. I'd like to go clean up my new car, but the minute I do the quiet is gone. Ugh anyway...these past two blogs have been depressing.
Next one will be chirpy, promises! Laying in bed last night I had a good blog about featherbeds and cats, but now I can't remember what it was about....although did you see Modern Family? The line where the middle daughter asks "If the dumb guys like the dumb girls, and the smart guys like the dumb girls, what do the smart girls get?" and her dad answered "Cats, mostly." Hands down funniest line in that episode...and what made it more funny was Macca (my cat) was curled up on my feet. She hasn't left my side since we got home from South Carolina last night :)
I'm surprisingly cheered up. Maybe I'm ready to celebrate my birthday tomorrow after all? :) And apparently Lifetime and ABC Family are showing Christmas movies...I think I'll go watch one and try to get my holiday cheer back....
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