But, where's it gone and why? The past two-three years I have stepped back and taken a good long look at myself and where I want to go. I'd hate to have my 20's pass me by without feeling like I have accomplished anything. On the left side we have all the things I have accomplished: I've learned about love and been disappointed by love (which I think is a necessary in life), I've made money and I've lost money, I've made some of the biggest mistakes and learned some of the most important life lessons on my own way/terms (see: two years in Raleigh plus that last year of undergrad), I've gone back to school and earned a masters degree, I've gotten a job within an arts nonprofit (granted, still not the Smithsonian, but at least I've figured out my career path and am starting down that road!), I've bought a car, I've dabbled in learning how to ride a horse, I've gained friends and lost friends and gained some more back, I've moved a bunch, and I've learned more about myself and my wants, needs, likes and dislikes. On the right we have the things I have not accomplished: I have not learned how to stop letting myself down.
The main way I do this is by planning (or hoping) to do 100 million things every fall and winter. Appalachian football games, Carolina Panthers games, hockey, ice skating, decorating, going out...the list goes on. I get so excited about my favorite time of the year that I want to cram all the happiness in as much as possible - which usually ends in me being disappointed because I don't get to do something. Right now the disappointment is arising from not living in my own apartment/house. I feel like a guest that has overstayed their welcome. Yes, I grew up in this house but it's not my "home" anymore. I know the whole "home is where your heart is" mantra, but right now it's nowhere. I'm trying to help get the house decorated (well, my mom's out there putting up a little tree - with two cats we've opted against fighting that loosing battle with a full tree - and I'm in here blogging, but I'll get up in a few) but it just doesn't feel like my own. I'm overly irritated when I'm home and all I want to do is go sit someplace quiet. I'd like to go clean up my new car, but the minute I do the quiet is gone. Ugh anyway...these past two blogs have been depressing.
Next one will be chirpy, promises! Laying in bed last night I had a good blog about featherbeds and cats, but now I can't remember what it was about....although did you see Modern Family? The line where the middle daughter asks "If the dumb guys like the dumb girls, and the smart guys like the dumb girls, what do the smart girls get?" and her dad answered "Cats, mostly." Hands down funniest line in that episode...and what made it more funny was Macca (my cat) was curled up on my feet. She hasn't left my side since we got home from South Carolina last night :)
I'm surprisingly cheered up. Maybe I'm ready to celebrate my birthday tomorrow after all? :) And apparently Lifetime and ABC Family are showing Christmas movies...I think I'll go watch one and try to get my holiday cheer back....
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