Holiday Spirit, Where Are You?

Much like the Everly Brothers, I have indeed lost that loving feeling.  This specific loving feeling pertains to the Holiday Spirit.  My absolutely favorite time of the year is Fall and Winter...mid September through early February when the leaves start to change, you can break out the sweaters and Uggs, and the food becomes amazing.  Thanksgiving is by and large my favorite holiday, and while I had a great Thanksgiving this year, I've realized that I just don't have the spirit.

But, where's it gone and why?  The past two-three years I have stepped back and taken a good long look at myself and where I want to go.  I'd hate to have my 20's pass me by without feeling like I have accomplished anything.  On the left side we have all the things I have accomplished:  I've learned about love and been disappointed by love (which I think is a necessary in life), I've made money and I've lost money, I've made some of the biggest mistakes and learned some of the most important life lessons on my own way/terms (see: two years in Raleigh plus that last year of undergrad), I've gone back to school and earned a masters degree, I've gotten a job within an arts nonprofit (granted, still not the Smithsonian, but at least I've figured out my career path and am starting down that road!), I've bought a car, I've dabbled in learning how to ride a horse, I've gained friends and lost friends and gained some more back, I've moved a bunch, and I've learned more about myself and my wants, needs, likes and dislikes.  On the right we have the things I have not accomplished: I have not learned how to stop letting myself down.

The main way I do this is by planning (or hoping) to do 100 million things every fall and winter.  Appalachian football games, Carolina Panthers games, hockey, ice skating, decorating, going out...the list goes on.  I get so excited about my favorite time of the year that I want to cram all the happiness in as much as possible - which usually ends in me being disappointed because I don't get to do something.  Right now the disappointment is arising from not living in my own apartment/house.  I feel like a guest that has overstayed their welcome.  Yes, I grew up in this house but it's not my "home" anymore.  I know the whole "home is where your heart is" mantra, but right now it's nowhere.  I'm trying to help get the house decorated (well, my mom's out there putting up a little tree - with two cats we've opted against fighting that loosing battle with a full tree - and I'm in here blogging, but I'll get up in a few) but it just doesn't feel like my own.  I'm overly irritated when I'm home and all I want to do is go sit someplace quiet.  I'd like to go clean up my new car, but the minute I do the quiet is gone.  Ugh anyway...these past two blogs have been depressing.

Next one will be chirpy, promises!  Laying in bed last night I had a good blog about featherbeds and cats, but now I can't remember what it was about....although did you see Modern Family?  The line where the middle daughter asks "If the dumb guys like the dumb girls, and the smart guys like the dumb girls, what do the smart girls get?" and her dad answered "Cats, mostly."  Hands down funniest line in that episode...and what made it more funny was Macca (my cat) was curled up on my feet.  She hasn't left my side since we got home from South Carolina last night :)

I'm surprisingly cheered up.  Maybe I'm ready to celebrate my birthday tomorrow after all? :)  And apparently Lifetime and ABC Family are showing Christmas movies...I think I'll go watch one and try to get my holiday cheer back....

Covet...it's like a Blanket, Right?

I'm a coveter.  I don't even think that's a legit word, coveter, but we're going to pretend for the purposes of this blog.  I am constantly comparing myself to others, wishing I had that pair of shoes, or this jacket, or lived in XYZ location.  (I also worry a lot about things I shouldn't, and don't about things I should - but that's a blog for another day).  I would say though, for all my coveting, 9 out of 10 times I am absolutely happy with where I am in life, even though I still struggle like every other person on the planet (i.e. second guessing, worrying, comparing, etc).  The 1 time I do let the coveting get to me is when I think about travel and how much I desperately want to see the world, visit random places, meet new peoples, and live overseas.  But I often forget all that involves money (or cajones, both of which I'm still working on).  Point being - the first part in fixing a problem is admitting that you have one...so consider this my admittance.

My next step is solving the problem?  Taking a short trip!  To satisfy my craving for travel (for a while, at least) I've committed to taking a trip in April.  Part of me wants to go to Buenos Aires, part of me to Paris, another part to Spain.  But the direction pulling me the most is the UK.  So back to London I go!

Now, I bet you're thinking, "But Carrie, you work for a non-profit and just bought a car.  On top of that you are moving and your student loan just came due - that's a lot of expenses going on."  If you aren't, then you should be, because that's what I'm thinking.  But at the same time, who cares.  Live a little, so I'm going!  (I'll be cutting back on the beer, the unnecessary driving/gas, and eating out to compensate though.)  Plane ticket is going to cost me right at $1000, if not a little bit more.  But fortunately, my friend Oliver said I could stay with him so the most expensive part of traveling I don't have to worry about (hotels).  (I use a lot of parenthesis.)   I'm thinking I'll leave April 26th or so and come back May 4th - those two days will be wasted on travel but it'll be worth it :)   I looked at tickets last night, but I probably won't purchase one until mid December.  Or maybe January?  But definitely no later than the end of January.

I'll also be there for the Royal Wedding...which makes this anglophile very happy :)

In other news, when I move I want to start a new hobby (a phase I go through when I start to get bored - I need something new to keep me occupied).  Besides reading - I've read 8 books since May - I think I'll go back to cooking when I get moved, even though I'll just be cooking for one.  I also think I'll utilize the park across the street from my new apartment (pics once I move in January!) and maybe get back to where I can go up a flight of stairs without dying?  I think that sounds reasonable.  I really want to learn to dance - like proper dancing, not grinding at da club - thanks to Jennifer Gray.  I mean, I have two left feet and my hips refuse to move, so I think dance lessons would be fun, and more importantly, a good challenge :)  I'll see if I can find some cheap lessons somewhere....

Until next time, HAPPY THANKSGIVING and get ready for All About Carrie Day on the 29th (aka my birthday).

"Thanksgiving oh Thanksgiving, there sure is lots to eat..."

Thanksgiving oh Thanksgiving, it sure is an edible treat!  Seriously, every year since I was in 4th grade I have had that song in my head during Thanksgiving.  Thanks, Ms. Vaughn, for getting corny and catchy holiday songs stuck in my head for the rest of my life.  Oh I could bust out a few Halloween chorus songs on ya too.  The Christmas/Holiday ones though, I seem to not remember as well...

Thanksgiving's Thursday (as it is every year), and on Wednesday I'm headed to the SC mountains with my mom, dad, Leigh Ann, and her parents.  It'll be nice to get away, but for as much as I love my parents, what I really need is time away from them.  I'm living at home, and have been since mid June, and I think I've reached my breaking point.  My dad and I are bickering every 10 minutes, and it's gotten so I just don't speak because I know I'll over react, he'll annoy me, or something worse.  I move into my new apartment on January 1 (well, technically the 3rd) and it can't come quick enough.  I love my parents to death - a girl couldn't ask for more loving, helpful, thoughtful parents - but in order to maintain our parent-child relationship, this Child (now adult) has gotta get out ASAP.

I digress from the original point of this blog...anyway.  Thanksgiving.  I'm looking forward to being out of High Point for a while, especially with Leigh Ann.  I haven't really gotten to spend time with her in a while, and while I'll miss my brother (he has to work...the life of a trooper) it'll be nice to get to hang out with her.  And I'll get to finish "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest" and start a new book.  Although I think a good majority of the long weekend will be spent eating, reading and napping, another good portion will be spent on hand writing thank you cards for work.  We've fallen behind (yay last-minute graphic designer, woo hoo!) and I have to get this stuff done by the 30th.  And we've got our annual audit on the 29th (which also happens to be my birthday...27, thank you very much.  And yes, I'm old) so I will pretty much have no choice.

I started this blog at 9:30am at work with a point, and now it's 8:05pm, and I've just written the past two paragraphs and have no idea what I started today's blog for.  Dammit.  I am getting old ;)  Car!  I named him Chevy (like Chase) the Chevy and everyone seemed to like him this weekend!  I went outta town to the Carolina Panthers football game in Charlotte and so my brother and cousins and a few others got to meet the car.  It was a good weekend - family bbq on Saturday followed by hanging with the brother/sis in law Saturday afternoon, wrapped up with dinner and drinks downtown with the game crew, my cousin, his wife, and my friend Brett.  Sunday started early but was very enjoyable....I really do love my high point family!  Here's a photo from the game:

God, this blog is so off point I think I'll just call it quits.  I'll wait to post again when I have something valid to say instead of mindless rambles.  Now that I've wasted the past 5 minutes of your life, I'd like to extend an apology.  My bad.  But it'll probably happen again.

I kind of want to delete and restart.  ugh, but i wont.  or should i?  maybe no advances have been made in indecisiveness this weekend.

Chevy? Mali? Chase?

I may be turning 17 instead of 27, but I totally just made my biggest adult purchase to date last night!  I purchased a (gently) used 2009 Chevy Malibu with only 14,880 miles.  It's blue and shiny with chrome accents.  Four door, grey interior, cloth seats, and apparently I have satellite radio for a while!  The irony of the satellite radio is that I don't get BBC Radio 1, the one station I want, but I do get Fox News, the one station I don't want!  But you can't win 'em all :)

So I picked the Chevy up tonight and they'd filled up the tank, waxed the car and made it all shiny and pretty.  I love it.  The only bad thing is...it's not my Jeep.  After 7 years in the jeep I got somewhat attached.  Some people might argue a little too attached, but whatever.  I get to visit him though, because he'll be living with my parents in his old age.  Anyway, he gave me 7 good years in the mountains and now that I'm in the flatlands (i.e. the Piedmont) it's okay to give up the 4wd.  So I found the Chevy and fell in love!  It's going to take some getting use to because I'm lower to the ground and the back window is smaller, but I have time :)

But the big dilemma is...what do I name him!?  (All my cars are/will be male.)  My '94 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme and first car ever was named Mikey.  The '04 Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland is Will.  So what to call the blue '09 Malibu?  Chevy (like Chase) the Chevy?  Mali?  Chase instead of Chevy, but still similar to Chevy and Chevy?  Or something preppy like a Mikey or Will...which I guess Chase would satisfy.  But Chase is kind of geeky.  I have a feeling it's going to be Chevy (like Chase).  I'll test it out on him this weekend.

This post is so pointless, but amazing at the same time.  YAY new car!  I use to joke that if you knew me, you were either going to get a new car or engaged.  Looks like I got the car :)

"I am 16 going on 17, innocent as a rose...."

I turn 27 at the end of the month....and I feel like I'm fixing to turn 17!  Apparently they're calling what I'm experience a "Thrisis" - a crisis for 30 year olds.  So many of my generation are having to move home after college, grad school, etc and so many are struggling with their careers, finding themselves, watching others get married and have babies, etc, that CNN finally gave it a title.  Where were you two years ago, CNN, when I started having this issue!? Haha!  Even though I still have my down days, it is nice to know that there are millions of kids my age going through the same crisis of identity.  It makes me more and more proud of the path I'm taking (which has gotta be about the longest and most winding-est road ever!) because I know when I'm in my 30's and older I will be all the more proud that I had my struggles and learned my lessons on my own, on my time, in my own way.  Part of me can't wait to grow up, and the other part feels like such a kid again!

Speaking of, you guys all have to know that song from The Sound of Music, right?  Well, it's below if you don't.  But I totally feel like on Nov 29th I'm going to turn 17.  Why, you ask?  Well, because I am so uber excited about Harry Potter (comes out FRIDAY!).  I get giddy over things like Robbie Williams performing with Take That again, or a new catchy pop song on the charts, or going out to the bars on a Saturday night!  (Though this comes and goes...because last Saturday I was responsible and dead to the world by 10pm.  Blew way too much money at IKEA for the new apartment.)  And I've decided I'm going to embrace the 17 year old inside me.  So what if I'm really 27, about to purchase my first car (on my own), repay student loans, move into a new apartment, and go 100% independent for the first time every (aka: becoming an adult finally haha)??  I don't want to get rid of the kid inside!  She makes life fun!!  Just because I enjoy opera and classical music now, doesn't mean I can't listen to JLS or Motley Crue.  Yeah, so I have a car payment.  That doesn't mean I can't still watch a Disney movie on ABC Family on a Sunday afternoon.

Yep...this inner 17 year old is gonna be hanging around for a while I think.  And that's absolutely fine with me :) 

Conquering Fears @ Work

Fixing to conquer some fears today...I'm making myself to out and 'sell!'  As the Marketing Director I am in charge of ad sales for our playbill.  Now, I'm terrified of trying to sell you something.  Normally I'm good at getting things for free...but selling?!  That's a whole new concept for me and it scares me haha.

I know it'll be a LOT easier in mid January when I can say "Hey!  So-and-So, the great [insert instrument]alist will be at EMF this summer!"  People will be chomping at the bit to advertise with us...until then, time to do my best.  I feel like I suck at it so I hope these businesses take pity on me and buy some ads :)

I'm calling in some old connections this afternoon and headed to my former employer in Lexington, NC.  Our audience is the same demographics as his "fans" so I hope they bite.  They're known to be cheap with the $$....bah!

I've also kind of sucked at life this week as far as work...haven't had much of an ethic.  Been stressed/worried about other things - i.e. moving, new car, etc.  I have it under control but I find myself car shopping when I should be researching organizations or looking at furniture on Crate and Barrel's webpage when I should be editing the website.  It makes me feel better to know that this time of year is a 'lull' for my position anyway; until I can announce our season I'm kind of stuck.  I can plan ideas but I can't do anything about them.  Seems like everyone else is working around the clock...I've only been here 5 months so I bet it'll pick up come Jan/Feb.  ESPECIALLY when I start doing our playbill.  I'm not allowed to spend money yet either .... so a few good advertising opportunities have slipped by because we have to wait for our big announcement each year.  Oh well, I'm new right?  I can't just expect to jump in and be awesomeness - I have to work at it!  I think I need a little rest this weekend (slash trip to Ikea!) to cheer me up.  Check out the chairs I'm buying for my new apartment :) 

Aren't they perfect!  I can fold 'em up and hang them on the wall, in the closet, etc!  I've always wanted to hang my dining chairs on the wall....and now I can.  Anyhoo, I'm off to be a Sales Woman.  Wish me luck!

Am I Really Making Advances?

I revamped the blog a bit...I wanted to make it super unique, but I don't have the patience to play with my photos and resize them.  I had time to do that for my work blog, because they were paying me to...and I'm sure not paying myself!  So the background - Parliament.  No, I'm not English.  But Yes, I'm an anglophile.  I have this strong desire to travel, which often is the cause of tears when I realize I can't afford to travel like I want, so I picked Parliament as my background to remind me that one day I will get to travel and see the world, like I dream of doing.

So, the first time I tried to start this blog I was going to focus on finishing my Masters program and finding a job.  I failed at keeping it up to date :)  So I'll recap: I graduated in May, had a temp job that was gonna last from May - August, but quit in June to start my new job!  Long story short, I was hired as the new Marketing Director for a 501(c)(3) classical music festival & school in Greensboro, NC two weeks before their (I guess 'our' now) 49th season opened.  I jumped right in and I'll admit, was very overwhelmed at first.  Almost 5 months later and I'm still figuring out my role in the organization, but I'm loving every second of it.  Turns out I actually enjoy classical music!  I'll spare the droll details, but suffice it to say I was fortunate enough to get a job above my wildest expectations for a recent graduate with no nonprofit experience :)  I can't even complain about my salary because the experiences, connections and knowledge I'm gaining balance it out.

Nothing to do with the subject...
but it makes me happy!

But, am I really making "advances in my indecisiveness?"  Probably not, but we'll see :)  I think I'm making progress in my fight against coveting...if there is a Commandment that is my anthesis, it's Coveting.  I am constantly comparing myself to others, and though I can honestly say 90% of the time I'm absolutely happy, that 10% when the little bugger in the back of my head gets going, the coveting kicks in and I start looking at the things I "don't have" and forget all the great things I "do."  My revamped blog will follow my journey - god, that sounds so cheesy - of moving back out of my parents house and into my seventh apartment (eighth technically, not including dorms), of furthering my career in the arts nonprofit world, of networking and making new friends, and of watching my life and the lives of others around me change.  Note: Not necessarily bad changes, just changes!

Bored yet?  Probably...I kind of am.  I promise they'll pick up after this "Hello" blog :)

Coming Back from the Dead!

This is your warning...I'm having so much fun writing my blog for work (www.easternmusicfestival-nc.blogspot.com) that I've decided to pick this sucker back up....

New Posts Returning Shortly!